Thursday, May 14, 2009

How To Talk Like a Republican

Alright, I ganked this from Daily Kos, but I'm giving them props and a link to the story, this one is classic!

Daily Kos - Cheers and Jeers: Thursday


Cheers and Jeers: Thursday Hotlist
by Bill in Portland Maine
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Thu May 14, 2009 at 08:03:25 AM EST

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Republican Mad Libs

No doubt about it---the GOP knows how to scream "Danger!!!" better than anyone. But how do they do it so effectively? It's simple, really, and you, too, can convince people they should be scared of their own shadow. Just pick a phrase from List A, another from List B, and one from List C. Here...try it:
List A
A public option in health care reform
Curbing CO2 emissions
Gay marriage
Public funding of stem cell research
Immigration reform that doesn’t include mass deportations
Talking with our adversaries
Releasing the report/study/memo/photos
Restoring Clinton-era tax rates on multi-millionaires
Enacting tighter regulations in the financial sector
Investigating "enhanced interrogation techniques"
Closing down offshore tax loopholes
Actually listening to ordinary Americans
Anything President Obama does

will...
List B
Tear at the fabric of
Have a chilling effect on
Ignite a firestorm of woe upon
Erode the foundation of
Wreak incalculable havoc on
Lead us down a dark and dangerous path toward destroying
Lead us down a slippery slope on the way to bankrupting
Plunge a dagger into the very heart of
Unleash destruction on
Tear a giant hole in
Break the back of
Have devastating consequences on
Forever doom


List C
Our society
This great nation
The family structure
Small businesses
Democracy as we know it
Our children!
Our children's children!
Our children's children's children! (etc.)
The Judeo Christian values on which this country was founded
The Homeland/Fatherland/Motherland
Everything we hold sacred
Our ability to prevent the socialists from taking over
Our vital institutions
My chances of getting re-elected

And, if you're feeling frisky, you can add a rhetorical flourish:
List D
Just wait---you'll see! And then you'll come crawling back to me!
I weep for my country!
My people don't want to secede from the U.S., but...we may have no choice.
This is the worst thing that's happened in the history of the world!
It's time to start stocking up on food and water. And gunnnnns.
Gosh darn it!

See? It's easy! And with a little practice you, too, can put yourself on a dark and dangerous slippery slope of woe as a Republican doomsayer. Not sure why you'd want to, but it's always nice to have options.

Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

3 comments:

etogre said...

Haha, that is great. Sadly, it's spot on, and at this rate the republican party will fold soon.

I'm wondering if/when they fold, would we be better off with only one party or hope for something like the Liberatarian party to take over? If the former, then stupid partisan hackery wouldn't play such a huge role in politics, and people might actually vote on the issues and not just by their party lines.

I'm not sure. I use to be of the opinion that if the Republican party collapsed it would be bad for the country (just for the sake of devil's advocate types of debate). But now that they're the party of no ideas, it might better with them gone so real debate can happen on issues that matter.

Duncan said...

Ha! Yeah they've got to keep things simple for their followers. Basically change is BAAAADDD!!!

Boniknik said...

Haha! that's funny, if you go to radical-right wing websites, you will also notice this is how they argue...

Premise:
"We all know that Obama is a socialist, nigger, anti-christ, secret muslim, stupid son of a bitch.

Conclusion:
So everything I will say against him is correct and based on facts, after all Obama is a stupid son of a bitch. Right? Of course I am right, Didn't you know he is a socialist, nigger, anti-christ, secret muslim, stupid son of a bitch?"

Lol, they set a premise without any basis and consider them facts. What a way to argue, you can't win with these morons. Lol